Mallorca

It took a 4 hour drive, a overnight stay in the airport, a very early flight but finally we arrived in Mallorca at 10am.

The sun was shining and we could feel the heat while we were waiting in the airport for our transfer. Finally we were told which bus lane and what bus number to get, so off we trotted. We were on the motorway when Holly mentioned that she thought we had gotten on the wrong bus. You should have seen my face! She was convinced that we should have gotten on bus number 92 not 97. Why she didn't share this gem with me earlier, while we were sitting there waiting for other people to get on, I will never know!!

So there we were on the motorway, all signs saying that we were heading for Alcudia, trying not to panic and doubting myself until we turned off to Palma Nova and I did breathe a huge sigh of relief. As we went from hotel to hotel, slowly dropping people off, I started to doubt myself again when we realised we were the only ones left on the bus! We hurried downstairs so that the bus driver didn't forget we were there and he was like "where you going?" and we told him Ola Bouganvilla and he had a blank expression for a few seconds before saying "Santa Ponsa?" and we were frantically nodding our heads in relief.

Once we were dropped off at the end of the street where our hotel was, we started walking up towards the Bouganvilla pulling our cases behind us. As we got close, I remember thinking it looked empty but very pretty. We didn't get as far as the door when some Spanish guy, ran out towards us, waving his hands in front of us saying "hotel closed, no stay!" Holly and I were like "eh??? what you on about?". I started laughing hysterically when he explained that they had shut the hotel on Friday for refurbishment so we couldn't stay! He confirmed who we were and explained that there was no need to panic cos he would phone one of their other hotels and book us in there and we could have our breakfast free for the week as compensation.

He popped into the office and spoke rapidly in Spanish and came back out to tell us that he had ordered us a taxi and they would pay for it, just take the receipt to reception on arrival.
He then disappeared while we waited for the taxi. It arrived in a few minutes and the driver asked where we were going and I laughed cos I didn't catch the name of the new hotel as, I was still reeling from the fact that it was closed! So we had to go back in and chase up the guy we originally talked to, who had disappeared into the bowels of the hotel and it took about 10 minutes to track him down, much to his amusement!

So off we went in the taxi, not having a scooby where we were going and luckily for us the taxi driver came in with the receipt himself so that was one less thing to worry about. The reception staff at the Ola Aparthotel Tomir were laughing at our predicament and found us highly amusing and basically that set the tone for our stay in the hotel.

Our apartment was bigger than what we had originally booked so that was a major bonus. We sat by the pool that afternoon, enjoying the sun and thinking how beautiful it all was. I was so looking forward to spending the day by the pool. An hour later and the rain was bouncing off the road, complete with thunder and lightning so we just stayed indoors watching from our balcony.

It rained for 4 days straight with periodic bouts of thunder and lightning and a few bright spells. You know, it could only happen to us lol. But hell, we decided that the rain wouldn't shrink us, pity that, can you imagine if it did??? Not horizontally but vertically, you could be skinny just by being in the rain for 10 mins! Anyway, I digress!

We chilled for the first two days then ventured out to Palma Nova on the bus. It was raining when we left but by the time we got there it was gorgeous. We wandered around a while, doing a bit of shopping before we decided to sit on the beach. We had a wee paddle in the water and decided to sit there a while but we had no towels so Holly voted that I should be the one to go and buy some, figures! It took 15 minutes to get back to the beach as the main streets had been shut because of a cycle run taking place. I got back and no sooner had I layed down the towels than the heavens opened up! Holly managed to actually sit on hers, I never got that far! We were soaked before we had even reached the palm trees at the start of the beach. Just as well it was warm rain!


The next day we took a taxi to The House of Katmandu in Magaluf cos we would have been drenched just walking to the bus stop but it made little difference cos we were soaked just getting from the taxi to the main door! We whiled away a whole afternoon in this place, which was basically an upside down house full of weird and wonderful curiosities and a lot of interactive stuff.

One of the things you had to do was put your hand inside the mouth of a whale, into these two holes. There was a timer and you had to keep your hand in for a minute. By the reactions of other people, Holly was convinced that something bit your hand if you left it in there too long! That girl has some imagination! But no, it was a lot tamer than that. The hole was full of ice cold, and I mean totally freezing water and you had to see how long you could keep your hand in. Holly managed only 6 seconds and I managed 75 seconds! Woo hoo whose the girlie?? I am the champion!!! I was so chuffed with myself especially since I beat a couple of blokes in front of me. Competitive? Me? I think the fact that I was jumping up and down, waving my arms about kinda says it all!

Thursday, we braved the bus again, this time to Santa Ponsa where we were originally supposed to be staying. By the time we got there, it was gorgeous and so we sat on the beach for most of the morning. There was a shower of rain that lasted about 20 minutes and we dived into this restaurant by the beach. The two of us were sniggering and laughing at these people sitting inside with their brollies up, thinking they were nuts but they were the ones laughing when we realised that we were feeling drops of rain on our heads. I was thinking that they had a leak until I looked up and realised that the restaurant had a slatted roof! We had just ordered food so we couldn't exactly leave so we just laughed our heads off and ate our soggy baguettes. I have to say that they were yummy though and we stayed there an hour.

Later that afternoon we were back on the beach making sand sculptures! Snigger snigger, mine was either quite rude or totally naff according to the resident artiste Holly Mckenzie. She was working on a snowman but the finished article looked more like Jabba the Hutt! Honestly, the photos don't do it any justice! She then set out to prove to me that she could sand sculpt so she spent a whole 45 minutes making a dragon which attracted a lot of attention. It especially caught the eye of a young German girl and her mum. The child couldn't speak English so her mum translated for her. She thought the sculpture was cool but what had really caught her eye was Holly's trendy trainers!

Later that day, the mother came up to me frantic as she couldn't find her daughter! We found her after 10 mins but honestly my heart was in my mouth and she wasn't even mine! Not good for the old ticker that, think I lost a few years in those ten short minutes.

Back at the hotel, Holly was attracting the eye of quite a few waiters and barmen. She was equally admiring of them, two in particular, Marc and Marco. My lovely girl was in her element and I think it was a huge ego boost for her so she really wasn't impressed when we got chatting to Marc in the restaurant one night and he asked how old she was and I totally popped her bubble! He thought she was 22 but I just shook my head and laughed and said "no, lower". His eyes got great and big and he said "20?". Again, I said "no, lower still" to which he said "19?". He knew by my face that no, it was lower again so said "18???". When I shook my head again, he gave me such an incredulous look when I said that "no she was actually only 16!". He was totally flabbergasted and I couldn't stop laughing but Holly was so not impressed!!! She was not happy cos now he wouldn't flirt with her the same don't you know!!! Turned out that he was 32 but looked about 25, so I was most gleeful when I told her that actually he was closer to my age than hers! Tee hee hee, god I am wicked!

Saturday we were up at the crack of dawn to take the bus to Palma to go to the Market. We wandered in and out of shops having a great time til our feet got sore and we still hadn't found the Market. Eventually we jumped onto one of Palma's open topped buses and spent about 3 hours seeing all the sights. We did eventually see the Market from the bus, just as it was being packed up! Holly had just finished saying "oh well it doesn't look that big so we didn't really miss that much" when we turned into the next street and the Market snaked down the length of it and into the next. The two of us couldn't stop laughing, sods law! It doesn't take much to entertain us really and being on the bus was quite entertaining for all the wrong reasons!

The thing that tickled us the most was the novel way in which previous tourists had gotten rid of their headphones after listening into the blurb in the many different languages. The favourite way was by hanging them off low hanging electrical cables, no worries about getting zapped obviously and the other was to chuck them on top of the bus shelters which were perfectly level with the top of the bus! There was so many, some bleached by the sun, others were brand new and it caused great hilarity on the bus amongst all the tourists! Imagine getting attacked by that on a windy day when you are minding your own business at the bus stop! It's raining headphones, what the fuck????? A new phenomenon!

The hotel had entertainment most nights. The two entertainment people were Jaime and Izzy. They were a couple and they obviously enjoyed what they do and they had no qualms about making total and utter fools of themselves. We partook of the entertainment most nights but I did draw the line at playing Bingo! I meant wtf? I am a young thing and Bingo is so not my idea of fun! No offence to you Bingo lovers but it is most definitely not for me. We did have great fun doing the music quiz though but lost big style but hey it's the taking part that counts huh.

On the Saturday night they did a Music through the Decades theme. This involved lots of dressing up and crazy dancing on their part and Jaime nearly made me fall off my seat when he dressed up as Amy Winehouse and acted out Valerie! Hysterically funny! I was up at the bar getting drinks when the music for OO7 came on. Holly said, she knew I was oblivious to "James Bond" behind me when he did a knee slide right up behind me and I never looked round. The barman, Hosé started laughing and that was when James Bond grabbed me and shoved a gun in my face. I let out a screech and nearly had heart failure when he chucked me outta his way and ran off! I looked over and Holly was bent double in hysterics. I thought she was gonna have kittens she was laughing so bloody hard! Bitch!

To end the holiday nicely, I planned a really big lie in on the Sunday morning. But alas, my friends, Emma and Kathy, back in the UK had other ideas. At 6.10am on Sunday morning I received a text from Emma complete with a picture of a female dog and her puppies. The text said "OMG! We thought she would never stop! 9 Puppies, congratulations Granny!!!!" I nearly fell out of the bed giving it "wtf? No way, tell me your fucking kidding!". I frantically texted this to her but no reply for about 10 minutes and then one from Kathy saying "9 puppies, congratulations Granny!" and I was beginning to think that it must be true even though I kept looking at the pic in total disbelief, lurching from "No way, Oh my god" to "they have to be kidding me!". After sending another text to Kathy saying "tell me your fecking joking!" they fessed up that it was a total wind up! I couldn't stop laughing. It was a mixture of hysteria and relief cos all I could think was, how the hell am I to drive to Aberdeen on Tuesday and still be in charge of 9 puppies!!!

Now to let you understand, my youngest dog is NOT pregnant but she did go through a season. I have had quite a few dogs over the years but none have gone into season cos I usually get them spayed way before hand so I have no experience of it, at all. I got Loki at 5 months so was caught short, so to speak and since she had her season, her nipples and her lady bits have remained quite swollen and I was beginning to think that some mutt had gotten to her! This was causing great hilarity amongst my mates, especially the gruesome twosome who I left in charge of Jack and the two pooches. The result being the elaborate wind up that took place that morning!

They knew it wouldn't work if I was wide awake so they had to do it in the early hours of the morning while I was still half asleep! The best bit about this was that they themselves had to be awake at 5am to do it! And they really had me going for that 10 minutes.........BITCHES!!!! Oooohhhh pardon the pun!

The rest of the day was uneventful but I was totally shattered! Thanks girls, revenge will be mine and it is definitely a dish best served cold! Be afraid, very afraid! lol

The flight home was uneventful. I stepped out of the airport at Glasgow to a biting blizzard of rain and hail and was soaked within minutes. To make matters worse, they gave me the wrong code to get out of the car park at the Holiday Inn so I had to run the gauntlet of the hail and rain to get the proper one! Meanwhile Holly is nice and cosy and I was totally wet, cold and windswept and interesting but not in a good way! Hee hee hee.

We zoomed up the motorway in no time but had to detour via Aberdeen as Holly had a concert that night. I finally arrived home at 8pm only to find the 2 windup merchants hiding up the stairs!!! Nae so brave now huh???? so we ended up, the 3 of us, sitting half way up the stairs chatting and I was sure they were up to more mischief but no they had behaved and luckily for them I didn't find any Christmas Decorations up or tinsel in my bed as per previous threats!

I would have killed them!

My lovely boy, Jack, wouldn't speak to me for about 3 days but now he has forgiven me for leaving him and I am in the good books again. It sounds like he had a great time with Kathy, Emma, James and Erin and I am sure he didn't miss us at all! To prove the point, he (aka Kathy and Emma) has sent me a postcard for each day that we were away, the first one arrived the day after we got back and I have found them highly amusing and entertaining!

Sounds to me like they had as much fun as we had. When are we doing it again girls?????